inching forward

how am I supposed to explain to someone who doesn't understand...how just leaving my bedroom is an effort...and I feel tense and uncomfortable anywhere else but the kitchen...sometimes I feel like my brain just short circuited and doesn't work like it once did...I"m broken...and what I may have experienced before...is not attainable any longer...just this uselessness that defines my existence...maddeningly flat...but wait a minute...I did feel somewhat better yesterday...and today somewhat better...at the very least I want to be normal...

where now

I am tentative about feeling better...part of me has fallen into this abyss comfortably and I am distrustful of potential expectations should I return to my old self...my old self is gone...not sure who I am anymore...I never pictured what my life was going to be life after 40...